Endings and Beginnings

Right now I am almost at a loss for words.  There's so much going on within my heart and mind that it seems nearly impossible to share even a portion of it.  But, you all know me, I will try my best. 

Memories, ah....good times!

It's here; the end has come.  The eighteen month journey is at it's close.  Over the last few weeks I have found myself laying awake and reflecting upon my mission, my life as a sister missionary.  I see the faces of each person I have met, the people I have loved, the people that have changed me more than I have changed them.  I love them.  I cherish the bonds I have made and the spiritual moments shared.  It's like nothing else I have ever experienced.

Though this chapter in my life is ending, a new one is beginning; my life as Brittany Nestman.

What will life be like at home?  Most likely it will be much like it was before the mission: church, work, school, family, friends, and dating (o.0).  Something I have found myself asking is "what will be different?  What is it that I am taking home from all of this?"  Yes I'm taking home all my memories, cherished thoughts and feelings, but what else?

What Lies Ahead

Sometimes I wish I could just shut of my brain.  Turn it to "sleep mode" like so many of our electronic devices and not have to worry about a thing for a time.  But, much to my dismay, I haven't discovered how to do that yet.  A couple nights ago I was stuck lying awake with my brain spinning in about a hundred different directions.  The source of the chaos, a lovely little letter in the mail which contained this....

Life's Short, but Exciting. Write it Down

My big goal for the mission has been to write in my journal everyday.  This may not seem like anything big, but it is huge to me.  Never in my life have I kept a journal.  There may have been random notebooks that have a thought or two written down, but never any consistent "journal" or "diary" entries.  So far, I have written in my journal every day since entering the MTC.  I have discovered that it is very therapeutic.  Journal writing helps me to express my feelings about the day.  Allows for spiritual promptings and feelings to be written down and read again later.  Not only are they read again, they get to be felt again.  But, it has been a habit that has had to develop over time.  Lets just say, the beginning was very rough.

Towards the beginning of the mission, some of the journal entries were pathetic!  You would have thought I had been in a cave all day and experienced nothing.  Here is one of the entries: "Today was the same.  Nothing really exciting to say".  There's no way I did nothing.  No one can be that boring.  Not only did I have to just write in my journal, I had to pay attention to my day.  Reflect on what happened, how I felt, what conversations I had, and just realize how much goes on in the day.  After realizing this, the goal became much bigger than previously thought.

The latest journal entries are far from perfect, but they are improving.  There are a few things that have helped me to improve my journal-writing skills.  One way my entries have been better is that I write things down throughout the day that stick out to me.  Things that I want to remember and write more about later.  These things can be anything from how a lesson went, "a-ha" moments in the day, funny stories or events, and people I have met.  My memory is equivalent to that of a gold fish.  If it doesn't get jotted down in the moment it happens, it won't be remembered.  Making notes about things throughout the day has made my nightly journal writing that much more memorable and more worthwhile.  

The goal is now a habit.  It is continuing to develop and is becoming something I look forward to.  There are blessings that I never could have imagined from keeping a journal.  Going through past entries helps me to remember how much the Lord really is looking out for me.  He has guided me through everything, whether I realized it at the time or not.  My journal has helped me see where I was, where I am, and set goals to where I want to be.  Life's short, but oh so exciting.  Write it down.

Why I'm On A Mission

Since I was young I have wanted to go on a mission.  As I got older, the mission idea kinda faded further and further into the back burner.  It just wasn't as much of a priority.  After high school I went to college and worked.  Loved my job!  Working in and around pools was my life.  Things were going great.  There were some trials thrown in the mix as well, but I endured them and grew from them.  Life was good and things were progressing as planned.

The time for my 21st birthday was coming and the thought of a mission came to mind.  I wasn't sure whether to keep going and doing what I had been doing, or put it all on hold for 18 months.  What better way to decide then to ask Heavenly Father?  It's what I grew up learning and doing; so, I did just that.  I prayed for a few weeks and fasted about whether a mission was right for me or not.  After the fasting and prayer I got the answer no.  So, I continued doing what I was doing.  Everything was the way I wanted it.

Time went on and more trials came.  Things at my job weren't going as well as they were before.  Changes were made and they weren't to my liking.  But, work was work and I needed a job.  Just kept truckin' along and doing my thing.  Spring semester of school was coming and I was going to get back to taking some classes.  Had my plans set and ready to go......or so I thought.

Work, got worse.  I went from loving my job to dreading it.  When I went to register for classes, couldn't.  After talking to the enrollment office they told me "sorry, but I guess you have to re-apply".  The plans I "thought" were great, were falling apart in front of me.  Nothing was working out at all.  All I could think was "now what?"

During all of this, there was a little voice in the back of my head that would say "what about a mission?"  Of course, that thought was pushed far away.  I had gotten my answer a few months ago.  "Why ask again" was my logic.  No need to re-think about a mission.  Besides, I didn't want to be labelled as one of those sisters that went on a mission because they "couldn't get married".  Can you say "hard headed"?
(This is the part my mom dislikes)

One wintry night, while home with my family, my mom and I got into a little argument.  I decided to leave and put off some steam.  Didn't know where or what I was going to do, but it was away from home.  After driving for a bit I realized I was on my way to the Draper Utah temple.  Parked in the parking lot and just looked up at the temple for a while.  It was snowing (which is my favorite) and everything was peaceful.  As I was sitting there, the overwhelming impression that I should go on a mission came over me.  I continued to sit there and ponder for a while, then decided to pray about it.  Said a prayer in the car and then drove back home.  Sunday was the next day and it just so happened to be fast Sunday.  Perfect!

As soon as I began my fast I could feel what Heavenly Father wanted me to do.  At the end of the face, it felt as though I had been "spirit slapped".  The most incredible feeling came over me that screamed "YES!!!  Go on a mission!"  How could I deny it at this point? 

2 weeks later, my papers were in.  3 weeks after that, my call letter came in the mail.  I'm here on my mission because the Lord wants me here.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that this church is true.  That Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer.  That He lived and died for me and everyone else.  The Atonement is real and there for everyone.  Joseph Smith restored the Church of Jesus Christ to the earth today and we have a living prophet now.  President Thomas S. Monson leads and guides the work of the Lord today.  The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ.  I love this church and I love serving the Lord in this great work.  There is nothing better I could be doing with my life right now.

Have you had an "Ah-Ha" moment today?

Each morning, as a missionary, we study for 2 or more hours.  To some, this may be considered the ultimate torture.  Others, don't think this is even close to enough time.  I'll admit, sometimes, the first one is how I feel.  Studying has never been a strong point for me, but I am learning to develop it.  As I have been developing my study habits, I have found that the more effort I put into it, the more results I see.  Yes, a shock I know.  But, it truly does make all the difference.  The days I am completely engrossed in the study are the days when I have put forth the right amount of effort.  We get what we put into our studies.  As that effort is applied when studying the scriptures and other church doctrine, the spirit will manifest new truths that we have not known before.  “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.” (PRESIDENT BOYD K. PACKER).  We can each have our own "Ah-Ha" moments as we study the scriptures.  We will realize truth both in our heart and mind.  Open your heart and mind so you can learn the things that the spirit will make manifest.  I know it has helped me and can help others.

"Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon"

"What are you going to do when you go home?"  Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"  "What plans do you have for your future?"  These are some common questions that I am asked frequently, especially while on my mission.  Sure, I can answer them with what I want, but will it happen?  How can we achieve the things we want in our lives?  Elder M. Russell Ballard said: "I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don’t set goals in our life and learn how to master the technique of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential. When you learn to master the principle of setting a goal, you will then be able to make a great difference in the results you attain in this life". 
As a missionary, goal setting is a daily thing.  We make plans and even back-up plans to be able to achieve our goals.  Sometimes we ask ourselves; "how do we know what kind of goals to set?  Are we aiming too high, or maybe too low?"  Having been a swimmer, I have loved the quote by Michael Phelps: "You can't put a limit on anything.  The more you dream the farther you get".  We can't limit ourselves to anything.  Our goals should be reasonable, but not easy.  Preach My Gospel states "Challenging goals will help you work effectively and lead you to stretch and grow".  If our goals are too low, we aren't challenging ourselves.  We limit our room for growth.
The ultimate goal each of us should have is to make it home to our Heavenly Father.  I know that each of us can attain this goal by doing what we need to now.  Set those small goals, such as being more obedient, so we can reach the ultimate goal.  It is possible and nothing is impossible.
-Sister Nestman

Blogging

This is the first time I have ever done a blog.....So here goes :)  I am very honored and excited to be an online missionary.  What an amazing opportunity to share the gospel with those not only in my mission, but around the world!  I know that our Savior, Jesus Christ, lives.  Joseph Smith was God's chosen Prophet for the restoration and that the Book of Mormon is "another testament of Jesus Christ".  I know that Thomas S. Monson is the Prophet for this Dispensation.  I love this work and know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only true church here on the earth today.