Maybe we are all like Cain

This past week I have been reading a talk by Hugh Nibley entitled "Leaders and Managers."  At first, I found it a bit intense and had to re-read parts of it over and over.  But, by the end, a giant light bulb turned on.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Biggest "a-ha" moment I have had in a while.  I could go on and on about the talk and why everyone should read it, but I choose to focus on a particular part of the talk.  Towards the end, Hugh Nibley speaks of an assignment he gave to his students where they were to compare themselves with some character in the Pearl of Great Price.  The student he quotes chose Cain.

Many times I wonder if many of my desires are too self-centered.  Cain was after personal gain.  He knew the impact of his decision to kill Abel.  Now, I do not ignore God and make murderous pacts with Satan; however, I desire to get gain.  Unfortunately, my desire to succeed in business is not necessarily to help the Lord's kingdom grow [a refreshing bit of honesty].  Maybe I am pessimistic, but I feel that few businessmen have actually dedicated themselves to the furthering of the church without first desiring personal gratification.  As a business major, I wonder about the ethics of business--"charge as much as possible for a product which was made by someone else who was paid as little as possible.  You live on the difference."  As a businessman will I be living on someone's industry and not my own?  Will I be contributing to society, or will I receive something for nothing as did Cain?  While being honest, these are difficult questions for me.

All I could think was wow!  I have NEVER thought of my future desires that way.  Am I working towards the betterment of the Lord's kingdom?  Is the first thought when I ponder my future "how will this help the Lord?"  Honestly, this has changed how I view my future.  There is so much re-analyzing that needs to happen.  This student made me realize how much like Cain I truly am. 

Many of the plans I have for my future involve the betterment of myself.  It may sound selfish, but it's true.  I want to finish school and further my education.  But my desire for that isn't, or wasn't, to help God's kingdom.  A new challenge has been erected in my mind.  My future goals are being re-evaluated and being sifted.  The new goal for my goals (if that makes sense) is for them to help in the furthering of the church.  This task is far from easy.  In fact, it is down right hard.  I am too human for it to be any other way.  But, I know that with the Lord's help, it can be done.